I was deeply saddened to learn about the passing away of Mr. Ed McMahon. I was overseas when he died. I met Mr. Mac almost ten years ago at the Universal Studios in Orlando. We were taping the final round of Ed McMahon’s Next Big Star Comedy Contest. He later invited me as the winner of the contest to be his guest on KTLA in Los Angeles and got me a guest appearance that evening at the Hollywood Improv.   Several of his unique qualities stood out clearly during those two brief meetings. The first time we met he asked me my name several times and wrote it down phonetically so he could introduce me correctly on the show. I also distinctly remember his smile and his laughter. As we walked to our set in the Warner Bros building at KTLA, he said hello to several support staff members and I recall him calling some by their first names.  For me being introduced by Ed McMahon in his classic style “Here is Sai Ranade” is indeed a dream come true. I am sure heaven needed him to be there to sit with Johnny Carson to introduce Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett on the special divine edition of the Tonight Show. So long Mr. Mac.

Autor Dr. Sai; 

Traducido del Inglés por Sarita Torres

Bucaramanga es una hermosa ciudad rodeada por montañas (Ver Foto), Está localizada en la región central de Colombia. En una visita reciente a esta ciudad, como se puede puede ver en la foto del aviso del hotel (Ver Foto). Presente un seminario a ingenieros. Durante mi estadía en la ciudad escuche un rumor acerca de la presencia de Gandhi y decidí averiguar la verdad.

Le pregunte a las hermosas y talentosas empleadas (Ver fotos de Sajuri, Andrea y Silvia) en el Lobby del Hotel si ellas sabían donde estaba Gandhi. Les explique que mi interés en saber era porque soy nativo de India y ellas inmediatamente dijeron Tata. Eso me confundió. Esperaba que ellas dijeran Taj Mahal o Yoga pero después me di cuenta que ellas estaban hablando era de las compañías Tata. Ellas no tenían una respuesta a mi pregunta específica pero siempre estuvieron atentas y dispuestas a ayudar. Ellas me enviaron donde el botón Daniel quien hablaba algo de ingles, Daniel no sabía acerca de Gandhi en Bucaramanga pero sabía algo acerca de Michel Jackson, incluso me mostró el moonwalk y otros pasos de Michel Jackson (Ver fotos de los movimientos de Daniel). El muchacho es realmente talentoso y por esto Comencé a llamarlo MJ.

Una tarde, mientras nos dirigíamos a un restaurant para almorzar, Le pregunté a mis colegas de trabajo sí  sabían algo acerca del rumor. Ellos tampoco. Sin embargo, cuando el carro se detuvo frente al restaurante, lo que cautivó mi atención fue su nombre “La Fonda Paisa”. Descubrí que Paisa era el nombre de la comunidad de negocios oriunda de Medellín. Mi contacto me dijo que los paisas eran muy buenos para hacer dinero. En la india paisa significa dinero. Esto es extraño. Es como llamar a la comunidad Patel, “los Rupaiyas”.

Camine alrededor de la ciudad. En las calles hay vendedores por todas partes, exactamente como en mi hogar en India pero las calles estaban limpias. La ciudad de afanes y ajetreos que van disminuyendo así como la temperatura con la caída del sol. Trate de forzar una conversación en vano. Cerca de una en 20 personas que conocí hablaban o entendían inglés. Trate de impresionarlos con mi español diciéndoles que era de Houston, Tejas. Ellos repetían, “Usted quiso decir Houston, Texas”. No sabía eso pero  Texas es llamada tejas solo por las personas de Méjico a quienes los colombianos  llaman Mejicanos. Hablando de Méjico, los únicos que visten trajes formales en Bucaramanga  no son los ejecutivos ni los empresarios son los mariachis mejicanos. Comí en un restaurante vegetariano llamado Albahaca (Basil Leaf en Inglés). La comida fue deliciosa. El jugo de Guanábana fue fantástico y me hizo olvidar la necesidad de encontrar a Gandhi.

Luego, una tarde mi colega decidió llevarme a un centro comercial llamado Mega Mall. Estaba sonando música de los 80 en el centro comercial. La canción de Cyndi Lauper “time alter time” me hizo sentir confortable. Decidimos comer en un restaurante llamado Crepes and Waffles, una cadena de restaurantes colombianos. Este restaurante es atendido solamente por mujeres. Alguien me contó que solamente empleaban madres solteras, Alguien en los Estados Unidos puede llamar esto discriminación pero yo lo llamo iluminación. Me sentí como que estaba en un época alterada. En un  sentido porque estar rodeado de la tierra de Bucaramanga es como estar en la película “the Village” de M Night Shymalan. En otro sentido con tantas Universidades y todos portando teléfonos celulares es como una clase de día en una ciudad moderna de India; solamente que 5 años atrás. Basado en PIB uno podría decir que esta ciudad es del tercer mundo. Pero, ellos tienen tienda de video Blockbuster tal como es hoy en Houston. Ellos escuchan música de los 80 de tal manera que parecen una generación anterior, pero al mismo tiempo tienen una cadena de restaurantes que parece ser del futuro.

Nos sentamos y abrimos el menú. Tenía páginas y páginas de muchos platos  deliciosos. Me enfoque en la lista de los crepes vegetarianos y allí estaba. Uno de los crepes se llamaba “Gandhi”. No me pude contener. Había encontrado un plato llamado Gandhi en un restaurante en Bucaramanga, Colombia. Rápidamente saque mi cámara fotográfica y estaba a punto de tomar la foto cuando una mesera corrió sobre mi y cubrió el menú (Ver Foto) y me informo que no estaba permitido tomar fotos del menú. Eso como si ellos no quisieran que el mundo se enterara que tenían a Gandhi. Mi amigo pidió Gandhi  pero desafortunadamente estaba agotado. Entonces, técnicamente todavía no he visto a Gandhi. Soy vegetariano pero en mi próxima visita a Bucaramanga espero poder comer Gandhi.

Bucaramanga is a beautiful city surrounded by mountains (See Photo). It is located in the central region of Colombia. On a recent visit to this town, as seen on the Hotel marquee (See Photo), I presented a seminar to engineers. While in town I heard a rumor about Gandhi sightings  and I decided to find the truth. 

I asked the beautiful and talented staff (See pictures of Sajuri, Andrea and Silvia) at the Hotel lobby if they knew where Gandhi was. I explained my interest by stating that I was originally from India and they immediately said Tata. I was confused. I would have expected them to say Taj Mahal  or yoga but then I realized they were talking about Tata companies. They did not have the answer to my specific question but were always eager and willing to help. They pointed me to the bellman named Daniel who spoke some English.  Daniel did not know about Gandhi in Bucaramanga but knew about Michael Jackson. Daniel even showed me the moonwalk and other Michael Jackson moves.  (See Photos of Daniel’s Moves). The guy is talented. I started calling him MJ.

One afternoon, while driving to a restaurant for lunch, I asked my colleagues from work if they knew about the rumor. They did not. However, as our car stopped in front of the restaurant what caught my attention was its name “La Fonda Paisa”.  I found out Paisa was the name of business community from the city of Medellin. My contact told me that the Paisas were into money. In Hindi paisa means money. That is odd. It is like calling the Patel community “the Rupaiyas.”

I walked around the city. The streets had vendors everywhere just like back home in India but the streets were clean. The city was full of hustle and bustle that diminished steadily along with the temperature as the sun set. I tried to strike a conversation in vain. About one out of 20 people I met spoke or understood English. I tried impressing them with my Spanish by telling them I was from Houston, Tejas. They repeated: “You mean  Houston, Texas.” I did not know this but Texas is called Tejas only by people from Mejico  or as Colombians would call them Mexicans.  And, talking about Mexico, the only people who wear a formal attire in Bucaramanga are the Mariachis from Mexico. I ate at a vegetarian restaurant called Albhaca (Basil Leaf in English) . The food was delicious. The Guanabana drink was fantastic and  made me forget my quest to find Gandhi.

Then, one evening my colleague decided to take me to a mall called Mega Mall. They play 80s music in the mall. The sound of Cyndi Lauper’s “Time after Time” gave me some comfort.  We decided to eat at a restaurant called Crepes and Waffles. It  is a chain of restaurants that originated in Colombia. It is staffed entirely by women. Someone told me that the chain only employs single mothers. Some in the U.S. may call it discrimination. I call it enlightenment. I felt like I was in a time warp. In one sense because it is landlocked Bucaramanga is like the M Night Shymalan’s movie “the Village.” On the other hand with many Universities and everyone carrying a cell phone it is sort of like a modern day town in India; only 5 years removed. Based on GDP one would have called this city a third world city. But,  they have a Blockbuster video store just like in today’s Houston. They played 80s music so they seemed a generation behind, yet they had a restaurant chain that seemed to be from the future.

We sat down and I opened the menu. It had pages and pages of many delicious items. I zoomed in on the list of vegetarian crepes and there it was. One of the crepes was called “Gandhi.” I could not contain myself. I had found a menu item named Gandhi at a restaurant in Bucaramanga, Colombia. I quickly took out my camera and was about to snap a picture when a waitress ran over and covered the item (See Photo) and informed me that I was not permitted to take picture of the menu. It is as if they did not want the world to know that they had  Gandhi. My friend ordered Gandhi unfortunately they said they had run out. So, technically I have yet to see Gandhi. I am a vegetarian but on my next visit to Crepes and Waffles I hope to eat Gandhi!

Every day as I turn on the TV, it hurts to see the images of dying children and my contention is that many of these people who are dying are poor people who have nowhere to go.  It appears that the rich folks are either sipping hot chocolate in cafes in northern Lebanon or Southern Israel or have dual-citizen ship and have fled to America or Europe. How is Hezbollah gaining anything by indiscriminate killing of civilians? What is Israel gaining by bombing bridges and power plants?  When are the countries going to realize that war on terrorism cannot be won by massive air and ground attacks with big military machines? You cannot win a war on ants by simply sending in elephants. The war on terrorism must be fought on two fronts; a strategic front that focuses on the issues of the poor, the needy and the unfortunate and a tactical front that focuses on infiltrating, exposing and slowly destroying the extreme elements. Just the tactical approach without a long term plan will only succeed for a short time.
   The media coverage of the recent conflict has its pros and cons. Unlike the “embedding garbage” imposed by the US in Iraq, it is refreshing to see the IDF giving free access to the reporters so they can objectively do their job.  CNN clearly has a better coverage than the more US-centric FOX news. Unfortunately, overall the coverage is broad but lacks the depth. AC 360 had a special called “Inside Hezbollah.” I was hoping to see some new facts and details about the movement instead it was a rehash and repackaging of the coverage from the past week. I yearn for a more in-depth look at the conflict. I am still not clear about several issues.
    

 

• The Hezbollah spokesman claims that Israel needs to return their territory and their prisoners. I was under the impression that Israel had returned all the territory they gained during the war. 
     

   

• How many Lebanese, Palestinian prisoners are there in Israel? I have heard numbers as low as 4 to as high as 4000. 
     

   

• What does the Lebanese army do? They do not have an air-force and are nowhere to be seen in Southern Lebanon. 
     

   

• What right does Israel or the US have to tell an army in a sovereign nation to disarm? 
     

   

• If the nations in the middle –east are so proud of their cultures and heritage and religions why do they seek constant help from the US? Something tells me that many of these nations are being ruled by dictatorial regimes that are preventing these nations from being truly independent. 
     

   

A recent media controversy surrounds false or misleading advertising for the movie King Arthur. Media reports state that Actress Keira Knightley was shocked when she saw the first posters for her film “King Arthur” because her breasts were digitally enhanced in it. According to contactmusic.com, Knightley played Guinevere and was surprised to see her breasts ridiculously enhanced. How about the DVD cover for the movie Pink Panther? It mostly shows Beyonce Knowles. She has a very small role in the movie. This is definitely misleading. Also, take a look at the DVD cover for the movie “The three burials of Melquiades Estrada.”  The movie tries to humanize the debate on immigration but Melquiades Estrada is barely visible on the DVD cover. Rampant false advertising is a sign of unabated and uncontrolled capitalism. Eros entertainment is a giant media company. They claim they are taking Bollywood places. I say they are taking Bollywood the wrong places. I bought a compilation DVD called the best of Rishi Kapoor and Jitendra. I expected about 6 songs of each actor. Guess what. The DVD has 12 songs of Rishi Kapoor and 2 songs of Jitendra. They also have a DVD called the BEST of Rajesh Khanna. Surprisingly most of his songs from his hit movies like Aradhana, Anand and Kati Patang are missing. Instead you get several numbers from the same movie Dushman. This to me clearly is false advertising.

My boss looked distraught and told me that his wife was abroad. Trying to show my support, I said “Sir, I am sorry to hear that. I knew it by the way she was dressed at the annual company party.” He replied: “You idiot. She is in Italy.”

I saw a sign on a building. It said “Leasing Information.” I walked up to the reception desk and asked the person behind the counter “So, what kind of information are you leasing? ” She looked at me like I was from another continent or something.

I had just received an award for an outstanding project. I was driving home and was stopped by an officer for speeding. He said I had an outstanding traffic ticket. I looked at my old ticket. I said “Officer, it looks like every other ticket I have ever received. What is outstanding about it?” He arrested me and put me in jail.

In America we say, “Its all Greek to me,” when we do not understand what someone is saying. What do they say in Greece?

After arriving in America, for many years, I kept wondering if I was “getting” America. By getting I mean did I really understand the United States. Today, I am not sure if I got America but America has definitely gotten me. My ability to appreciate simple things is almost gone.  I do not notice anything unless it is loud, higly visible and in a highly concentrated form. Unabated capitalism has taken a toll on my sense and sensibility. I have been conditioned to look for the the tallest player, the most atheltic looking woman, the best sound, the best seller, the perfect environment, etc. Untamed capitalism has a unique way of making it appear that one can have anything one sees. While the number of avaliable options has consistently grown, my ability to attain and enjoy these “so called” options has diminished greatly. I would like to be able to feel the distant echo of a soft whisper. I want to see and enjoy the reflection of a butterfly flapping its wings above a lake. While I am addicted to intensity, at least I have become aware that for me the real joy will come from my deeper appreciation for and connection with the simple things in life- it will depend on my seeing the extraordinary in the ordinary . And that seems like a good start.

A few days ago while driving  I heard the song “Hips don’t lie” by Shakira. I did not comprehend many words in the song but I was drawn to it by its beat. By saying “Hips don’t lie” I guess Shakira is trying to tell us that one must trust the intuitive wisdom of our body rather than the “pre-processed” words that come out of our mouths.  I was enjoying the upbeat nature of the song when suddenly Wyclef Jean began talking about the Third World and Fugees. Did I miss something? How does one go from “Hips don’t lie ” to ”We are Fightin?” Someone, please explain!

I read somewhere that when Jerry Seinfeld was starting out as a comedian, he would do a lot of private parties. He soon learned that many of these events were a waste of his time. His new criterion for accepting a gig was based on the answer to a simple question.” Are there going to be any round tables at the event.” If the answer was “yes,” he would decline the invitation. As a professional comedian , based on my experience, I agree with his assessment. I did one of those events last night. I showed up on time and noticed they had round tables. The event ran late and just when I got on stage the people got up and got in the buffett-line. I have now also concluded that in the battle of food vs. humor, food always wins. Any way, I did my part and the people who paid attention really enjoyed the show. many of them asked me for my business card and told me personally that they enjoyed many bits. Afer the event, as I was driving home, I realized given the circumstances, I had done my job. As Woody Allen is believed to have said “80% of winning is simply showing up!” That I did!