Confusing language

My boss looked distraught and told me that his wife was abroad. Trying to show my support, I said “Sir, I am sorry to hear that. I knew it by the way she was dressed at the annual company party.” He replied: “You idiot. She is in Italy.”

I saw a sign on a building. It said “Leasing Information.” I walked up to the reception desk and asked the person behind the counter “So, what kind of information are you leasing? ” She looked at me like I was from another continent or something.

I had just received an award for an outstanding project. I was driving home and was stopped by an officer for speeding. He said I had an outstanding traffic ticket. I looked at my old ticket. I said “Officer, it looks like every other ticket I have ever received. What is outstanding about it?” He arrested me and put me in jail.

In America we say, “Its all Greek to me,” when we do not understand what someone is saying. What do they say in Greece?

The curse of the round tables!

I read somewhere that when Jerry Seinfeld was starting out as a comedian, he would do a lot of private parties. He soon learned that many of these events were a waste of his time. His new criterion for accepting a gig was based on the answer to a simple question. Are there going to be any round tables at the event? If the answer was “Yes” he would decline the invitation. As a professional comedian , based on my experience, I agree with his assessment. I did one of those events a few months ago. I showed up on time and noticed they had round tables. The event ran late and just when I got on stage the people got up and got in the buffett-line. I have now also concluded that in the battle of food vs. humor, food always wins.  Afer the event, as I was driving home, I reminded myself of a quote from Woody Allen-  “80 % of winning is simply showing up!” That I did!